Wednesday, March 23, 2005

man, i KNEW i was missing something....

posted on the classical singer forum:

Learning to sing is very simple. You need to only remember three simple rules.
1. The tighter you close your eyes, the higher the pitch you sing.

2. Holding your hand out in front of you increases your range. In order to sing extremely high notes, raise your hand higher, and for low notes lower it.

3. To sing vibrato, some part of your body must vibrate. Popular choices are eyebrows, eyelids, and hands (See rule 2).

Follow these rules, and you too will be a great singer in no time at all.

Additional tips for the advanced student:

As Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston know well, a true singer will not allow a single note to exist unflourished. (In particular, the important lyric "Ohhhh" should encompass as many notes as is practical) As demonstrated in their popular duet "When You Believe", a duet is about one-upmanship - on no account should you allow your opponent to sing more notes-per-second than you.

Celine Dion has taught us that every song must begin quietly and rise to a ear-shattering crecendo.

Music videos have shown us that the quality of music is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing the women in the video are wearing. If the dancing approaches the level of simulated sex, all the better.