composer effects

Someone having read about the "Mozart effect" which supposedly helps intellectual development, came up with these other "effects".

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams -- at great length and volume -- that he's dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards.Eventually, people stop listening. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time.Eventually, people stop listening to him too. Child doesn't care because all his playmates think he's cool.

IVES EFFECT: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

GLASS EFFECT: Child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And then to repeat himself again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BRAHMS EFFECT: Child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

Last but not least:
CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for four minutes, 33 seconds. (Preferred by nine out of ten classroom teachers.)